Using the Relaxation Response to Relieve Stress

For many of us, relaxation means zoning out in front of the TV at the end of a stressful day. But this does little to reduce the damaging effects of stress. To effectively combat stress, we need to activate the body's natural relaxation response. You can do this by practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, rhythmic exercise, and yoga. Fitting these activities into your life can help reduce everyday stress, boost your energy and mood, and improve your mental and physical health..

What is the relaxation response?

When stress overwhelms your nervous system, your body is flooded with chemicals that prepare you for "fight or flight." This stress response can be lifesaving in emergency situations where you need to act quickly. But when it’s constantly activated by the stresses of everyday life, it can wear your body down and take a toll on your emotional health.

No one can avoid all stress, but you can counteract its detrimental effects by learning how to produce the relaxation response, a state of deep rest that is the polar opposite of the stress response. The relaxation response puts the brakes on stress and brings your body and mind back into a state of equilibrium.

When the relaxation response is activated, your:

• heart rate slows down
• breathing becomes slower and deeper
• blood pressure drops or stabilizes
• muscles relax
• blood flow to the brain increases

In addition to its calming physical effects, the relaxation response also increases energy and focus, combats illness, relieves aches and pains, heightens problem-solving abilities, and boosts motivation and productivity. Best of all, anyone can reap these benefits with regular practice.

How to produce the relaxation response

Simply laying on the couch, reading, or watching TV—while sometimes relaxing—isn’t going to produce the physical and psychological benefits of the relaxation response. For that, you’ll need to actively practice a relaxation technique.

Finding the relaxation technique that’s best for you

There is no single relaxation technique that is best for everyone. The right relaxation technique is the one that resonates with you, fits your lifestyle, and is able to focus your mind and interrupt your everyday thoughts to elicit the relaxation response. You may even find that alternating or combining different techniques provide the best results.

How you react to stress may also influence the relaxation technique that works best for you:

The “fight” response. If you tend to become angry, agitated, or keyed up under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet you down, such as meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, or guided imagery.

The “flight” response. If you tend to become depressed, withdrawn, or spaced out under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating and energize your nervous system, such as rhythmic exercise, massage, mindfulness, or power yoga.

The immobilization response. If you’ve experienced some type of trauma and tend to “freeze” or become “stuck” under stress, your challenge is to first rouse your nervous system to a fight or flight response (above) so you can employ the applicable stress relief techniques. To do this, choose physical activity that engages both your arms and legs, such as running, dancing, or tai chi, and perform it mindfully, focusing on the sensations in your limbs as you move.

“Relaxation Techniques.” Relaxation Techniques: Using the Relaxation Response to Relieve Stress, www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm.

What to Remember When It Feels Like Your Life Is Falling Apart

By Glennon Doyle Melton

Fourteen years ago I sat on a cold, tile bathroom floor and stared at a positive pregnancy test. My hands trembled. Even then I knew the pregnancy test was an eviction notice from the only life I'd ever known—a life of vomiting after every meal and blacking out on nightly booze binges. It was a life I despised, but feared giving up. 

My first thought was: I can't become a mother. I am broken and alone. I cannot mother another person, all I do is hurt people. 

But then these thoughts followed: What if this eviction is an invitation? To shed my identity as a drunk and bulimic? To try on another role: mother? For the first time, I wanted something more than I wanted to be numb. I decided to accept the invite to become sober, and then a mother. 

In the years that followed, I kept becoming things. I became a wife and a mother to two more babies and a church lady and a writer and an activist. That's how I grew up. I kept becoming and becoming until I was certain that the roles I'd put on were all anyone could see of me. I kept becoming until I felt covered, hidden, safe. 

Eleven years after that bathroom floor moment, I had three kids, a solid marriage and a writing career so promising that my first book about relationships became a best-seller. Then my husband revealed that he'd been unfaithful throughout our marriage. As it turned out, he'd also been hiding behind his role as a devoted husband. 

When I received that news in a therapist's office, I felt like a fraud and a fool. I was being evicted from my life once again. Everything I'd become fell away; I would no longer be a wife, or the happy mother of carefree children, or a relationship expert or even an activist. My activism felt especially ridiculous: Who has any business trying to heal the world when she can't even heal herself? This second eviction felt more brutal than the first because, this time, I loved my identities. Unlike drunk and bulimic—wife, mother and career woman felt healthy and beautiful, worthy of pride. I didn't want to lose these titles. But even then I knew that life will never strip us of an identity unless there is a truer one underneath. 

So I surrendered to my own unbecoming. 

Many of us spend the first part of our adult lives becoming—stepping into the roles we take on so that they come to define our lives. But I've learned that we don't really grow up until we unbecome. I realize now that I couldn't know who I really was until everything I'd built was taken from me—until I was stripped bare and forced to figure out who I was underneath it all. I felt like one of those Russian nesting dolls. Life was trying to get to the bottom of me. 

Ask a woman who she is and she'll tell you who she loves, who she serves and what she does. I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, a career woman. The fact that we define ourselves by our roles can be an admirable thing—it's how we build a life and make a living. But it's also precarious. Roles change. Sometimes overnight. If a woman defines herself as a wife, what happens if her spouse leaves? If a woman defines herself as a mother, what happens when the kids go to college? If I am a career woman, what happens if the company folds? Placing our identity inside of ever-changing roles means that who we are can be taken from us. That is why it's so easy for women to live in fear instead of at peace. That is why we cling to our people too tightly, close our eyes to things we need to look at hard, refuse to ask questions that need to be asked. We build sand castles and then try to live inside of them, fearing the inevitable tide. 

Several weeks after receiving the infidelity news, I packed a bag, left my three children and husband behind, and drove to a waterfront hotel on the Gulf of Mexico. I promised myself that I wouldn't leave until I discovered one thing I loved—one thing that spoke to my soul, one thing about me that had nothing to do with the people I loved or the work that I did. I checked into my room and fell asleep. I left the sliding glass doors open and as dawn broke, the sound of the Gulf waves gently hitting the shore woke me. This sound spoke directly to my soul—and what I heard was: This. You need this. This is something you love. There it was. The ocean. One thing that belonged to me. I realized that the only way I would survive that second eviction from my life would be to learn to feed my soul. I would have to become stronger by getting to know myself better. I would need to find more things I love. 

I want every woman on earth to not only be able to answer: Who do I love? but also What do I love? What feeds my soul? What is beauty to me and when do I take the time to fill up with it? Who is the woman underneath all these roles? What does she need? I want every woman to answer those questions now, before the tide comes. Building sand castles is beautiful. We just can't live inside of them. Because the tide rises. That's what the tide does. 

When it rises for you, remember—you are not the sand castle. You are the builder. I am not, at the end of the day, a mother, a wife, a writer, an activist, a friend. I am a Child of God. That's who I was when I came into this world and who I'll be when I leave it. No one can take that from me. 

People always used to ask me about my husband: Aren't you afraid he'll cheat again? I wasn't afraid, but not because I knew what he'd do—or with whom. It was because I'd finally learned that if and when the tide rises and washes over this new sand castle I'm building, I will not be swept away. I don't live there the way I did in the previous castle. I am the builder this time. And I can build again and again and again, forever. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/glennon-doyle-melton-why-youre-still-invisible#ixzz4zkw6XOXc

8 Essential Ways to Keep Your Anxiety from Taking Over

By Morra Aarons-Mele

Imagine you have a business trip coming up. You know that it's going to be all the things you hate: flying; being separated from your kids, your partner, or your space; lots of schmoozing. You can feel the anticipatory anxiety building up. Your anxiety is part of you, and it can be a valuable piece. But that doesn't mean you should let it take over. Ignoring anxiety can hurt you, and succumbing to it can quash your dreams. You need an excellent scaffolding to support your ambition.

1. Structure is an anxious person's best friend. I make a schedule with all the details of the day. (I will shower. I will call the dentist. I will write six emails. I will jog for 15 minutes.) Even when I'm on top of the world, I keep them up. They help me feel in control, and prevent me from going global.

2. Team. I've chosen to give up some income because I know that support is crucial to my functioning. My life changed when I decided to hire someone to handle my schedule and even structure "break time," which frees me up to focus on work and parenting. But you don't need to hire help. Colleagues, mentors, email lists and Facebook groups give you a safe space that you can use for advice, opinions, grousing, networking and celebrating. When I feel less alone, I feel less anxious. And when I don't trust my own opinion, I have friends and colleagues whose opinions I really value and who cover my weaknesses.

3. Environment. If your environment is out of control, you will feel out of control. Left to my own devices, I would putter around all day and clean the house. Since this is not productive—and more than a little obsessive—I allot myself 30 minutes every morning and evening to clean up, usually while I'm on a routine work call. And, if your anxiety makes you leave your house a disaster, try giving a deep clean to one room a week.

4. Self-care. Building in self-care—exercise, massage, alone time—is not selfish. It's a key part of managing your anxiety. Even a 10-minute walk or a cup of coffee with a friend can calm your nerves. There's a great quote from activist and attorney April Reign: "Everyone is finite"—meaning you won't have anything to give if you never take care of yourself. I wish it were tattooed on my hand.

5. Pep talks. You can give these to yourself, or you can reach out to a trusted confidant. The key is to find what motivates you to reach past your anxiety. My husband is my official pep talker. He is really good at it. He knows my most ridiculous and minute fears, and he knows the drill. I blub to him, and he simply listens. He asks me important questions when I'm hiding in a bathroom, waiting to run for the exit and next flight home. He'll ask me if I have important client work and can't leave. When I give pep talks to myself, it's most often when I am sitting on a plane, ready for takeoff. I remind myself that my children need money just as much as they need me around. This is not a choice; it's not fun. I'm doing what I need to do. Earning a living.

6. Label your anxiety. Sometimes, simply noting what's making you anxious and acknowledging it can help you calm down. For example, my psychiatrist, Dr. Carol Birnbaum, taught me to observe my anxiety: I'm feeling flooded with anxiety because I'm separated from my kids and I can't see them. Then I remind myself, "You're just like all these other mothers in the world. They're anxious too." 

7. Ask for updates. Worrying takes you out of whatever you're doing at the time. So, build in reassurances. Away from your kids? Get your babysitter to send you pictures. Meeting going on without you? Ask your colleague to shoot you an email. It's much harder to obsess about what's going wrong when you know what's going on.

8. You're not alone. Besides us garden-variety anxiety experts, there are a ton of people suffering small- to large-scale anxiety at any given time. People are afraid of bugs, mice, spiders, water, death, sharks, clowns, hospitals, blood, elevators. People in their 20s are panicking because they're trying to figure it all out. People in their middle age are having midlife crises. People in their 80s are wondering why they wasted so much time worrying. The point is, if you're panicking on the runway, you're only human. A bunch of other people on the plane are panicked about something too.

http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/morra-aarons-mele-how-to-to-keep-your-anxiety-from-taking-over

The unexpected reason why anxiety can take over.

By Gabrielle Bernstein
In the spring of 2015, I had a meltdown in a yoga class. Out of the blue, while in the middle of a sun salutation, I was taken over by terror and anxiety. I sat down on my mat to take a breath. It was then that I began to feel a terrible pain in my neck, and the entire left side of my face and arm went numb. I started to freak out. I left the class, called my husband and scheduled an emergency appointment with a doctor. 

Within 24 hours, I had undergone multiple MRIs and blood tests. Waiting for the results to come back was one of the scariest times of my life. 

When the results did come back, I was at a loss. There was no diagnosis for my physical symptoms and, ultimately, the doctors diagnosed the episode as a panic attack. This experience, however, seemed to make no sense. At this point in my life, I had an amazing and supportive husband, a thriving career, a healthy body and a loving family. I had spent a decade growing my spiritual practice, healing old wounds and deepening my faith. And I was finally free—or so I thought. 

In the following week, I managed to pull myself together, but I was still deeply concerned about why this had happened. My logical mind couldn't figure out what went wrong, so I turned to my meditation cushion for inner wisdom and guidance. Coming out of the deep silence, I began to write in my journal. Words fell onto the page: "This is your resistance to love and freedom. The lingering darkness within you is resisting happiness." 

I was taken aback by what I had written. Could all of this serious physical pain really be my resistance to love? For years I thought that once I worked through my past wounds, I'd be happy and free. Once I established a sense of security, I'd be happy and free. And once I had deepened my spiritual connection, I'd be happy and free. Through my commitment to personal growth and a spiritual path, happiness and freedom did set in. My outside world began to reflect my positive internal condition, and life began to flow beautifully. And then, like clockwork, the presence of fear within me did everything it could to resist the love and light I had grown to rely on. 

I looked closely at this resistance in order to understand and acknowledge its presence. After a lot of exploration, I came to understand that it's our resistance to love that keeps us in the dark. This resistance is the reason we stay stuck in patterns that keep us from thriving. You may have found that you regularly experience relief through meditation, prayer, positive affirmations, therapy or any other type of personal growth, only to sabotage that great feeling with a limiting belief, negative comment or addictive pattern. This experience continues to occur because the moment we lean toward the light, the darkness within us resists it. 

Even when we make a commitment to love and happiness, we often find it hard to give up the fear we've grown to depend on. We give purpose to our pain, believing struggle and strife are necessary to success or lasting joy or a meaningful life, and we feel safe in a state of conflict and control. We carry an unconscious belief that in order to stay alive, we must hold on to our protection mechanisms, no matter how great love may feel. 

You may be doing all you can to create freedom, connect to flow and release your fear-based habits, but it's likely that the moment you feel some sense of relief, you're blindsided by the shadow of fear that dwells below the surface. You may not have recognized this pattern before, but when you do, you can begin the journey toward freedom. That's because the primary reason for our unhappiness is startlingly simple: We are resistant to being happy. 

Sigmund Freud picked up on the phenomenon of resistance when many of his patients were not getting better. One night, in a dream, it came to him that one of his patients wasn't improving because the patient did not want to improve. This dream led him to dedicate much of his practice to analyzing that resistance, which became a cornerstone of his treatment. 

Unlike Freud's patient, you made a commitment to awaken from fear and get in sync with love the moment you opened this book. This commitment is massive. However, the presence of fear within you will do whatever it takes to keep you stuck in pain and darkness. This fear is the root cause of all our problems and feelings of disconnect. To truly say yes to the love of the Universe means you have to look at your resistance and give up a thought system that you mistakenly identified as safety, security and the foundation of your life. 

Universal lesson: To be free we must acknowledge our resistance. 

We must recognize that while we have a loving miracle mind-set within us that wants to be at peace, we also have a wrong mind that says, "I don't want to be free. I don't want to give up judgment. I don't want to release control." 

The most profound way to practice releasing resistance is to see clearly how we don't want to let it go. When we accept that we are addicted to fear, we can let ourselves off the hook for anything that occurred in the past and for the detours into fear we will continue to make on our spiritual paths. We can forgive ourselves for not doing things perfectly, and we can forgive ourselves for holding on to old patterns. Honoring this shadow side of ourselves is the way to heal our resistance. The metaphysical text A Course in Miracles says, "We must not seek for the meaning of love but instead seek to remove all the barriers to love's presence." 

In my case, the moment that I accepted my fear was the moment my panic subsided. By embracing my fear and surrendering my desire to be free, an even greater pathway to freedom opened up to me. Today, I have faith that the loving energy of the Universe is available to me all the time. 

You too can have this freedom. As you embark on the healing prayers, practices and meditations in this book, what will serve you most is to look at your fear with love and decide that it's not a thought system you want anymore. Making this decision will clear the path to happiness. 

Releasing your old thought system and welcoming in a new one takes practice, but it's a lot less "work" than you may think. The practice that will serve your highest good is the practice of surrendering to the love of the Universe. Prayers, affirmations and exercises can support you in surrendering your fearful thoughts and energy to the right mind's grace. It's important that you don't overthink each practice. Just do it. You may find one or two practices that really resonate with you, and you may choose to repeat them more often. The perfect pathway will become clear, and you will map out the journey to freedom from fear. The more you're reminded of what you want, the more you'll embrace your capacity to receive it. The practice of being on a spiritual path isn't about being the best meditator, or the kindest possible person, or the most enlightened. The practice is about surrendering to love as often as possible. That's the goal. So, keep it simple and know that the more you put in, the more you'll get out. As they say in the 12-step communities, "It works if you work it." So, I ask you today to embrace your resistance, forgive yourself for being inconsistent with your practice (or for not having a practice at all) and surrender to the guidance that is before you. Begin daily with an open mind and you will receive what you need. All that's required is your willingness to release whatever blocks you from living in harmony with the energy of love. Remember to remain open to new ideas; be patient and trust that the Universe has your back. 

The author of The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith explains how fear creeps in, even when our lives are going well.

 http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/gabrielle-bernstein-the-unexpected-reason-anxiety-can-take-over: